The Evening before Logan's Farewell

Exhaustion begins to set in now.... Evan and I are slowly coming to terms with Logan's passing, and are coping better, but the emotional and physical strength it takes to be wrapped in so much love, every day, is quite incredible.  It is 8.45pm and for the first time this week, we are alone in house without guests before 10pm... We have loved having them here. They having taken the sting out of our loss, bringing laughter and joy back into our lives, when we didn't think there was any.  But I am hugged out... and yet there is more to come...

Today, in gaps, we finalised all of Logan's plans for tomorrow... Charlee designed the Order of Service and organised for Nell to print it off. Brad collated the background music and the three special songs.  Charlee also scanned many, many photo's and along with Brad's music, delivered to to our friend Rochelle to be popped onto a school laptop.

Logan's casket arrived today, and with the help of friends and family, Logan was gently placed in the last bed he will ever sleep in.  It is a beautiful design, and we hope that he would approve.  An environmentally friendly casket that was hand picked by Brad and Charlee, especially to suit his personality... lined with sheepskin...

We held two brief meetings today... one with Paul, who will run our service for us.  He is a long time family friend who does Logan a great honour.  They get along so well. And the other will Uncle Peter, who will be performing the committal.  We know that Logan would be please to have friends and family take his service.  

We have tried at all times, to keep this remembrance run by people who know and love Logan... not wanting strangers to talk of our son who is so precious to us... We think we have done the right thing... We hope he would approve.

The only thing that we did not do this for was the waitress staff, as we want everyone to come and enjoy the day.  We are so grateful that people will be bringing plates of food, as we have no idea how many will come, and would not want to under cater, but we have tried to make sure that we have many different varieties of drink...

It is easy to waffle about things that don't really mean much... in reality I know that tonight is the last night with my baby... and tomorrow I will have to let him go for good.... Unlike Logan I have beliefs... I pray that I will have the strength to let him go when the time comes and not embarrass him... I pray that I will not break and shatter into a million pieces that will never come back together again.... and I pray that this pain will ease one day... I am not as strong as my boy and I just don't think I can control it forever.

Sometimes when I lay awake at night, my mind races uncontrollably.  My biggest fear is that I will forget... forget the little things that are Logan... his quirky smile, his sparkling eyes, his kind and patient manner, his voice... already I struggle to remember his voice.... it is frightening... 

Thank god for the photos... I pray they will be enough...