Comfortably numb

I have laid on my bed for the past hour looking out the window, watching the sun set.  The lounge was too noisy, and the children too hard to look at.  Everywhere I looked was pain...

I am told today was wonderful, memorable, honorable... it is all a bit of a blur. Pain arrived in waves today, beginning with the arrival of Pellows. Looking at my boys' face for the last time and placing his treasures around him as close friends and family stood by.  We gently bent the lid of his casket to form a cover over him.  It was painted with birds and flowers that I hope he likes.

Uncle Peter blessed Logan whilst we stood around the hearse and then we made a small procession down to the lake, where I told him how much I loved him, and then drove him to his service.

As we neared Knighton, we began to realise that love for Logan had no bounds... the streets were lined with cars, and the courts and staff carpark were full as well.  People were everywhere... familiar faces and new grouped together in a montage of love.

Brad, Charlotte, Tom, Rose, Amanda and Alex gently took Logan from the vehicle and we followed them inside... the crowd of people took our breath away... It had been hard to hold back the emotions, but to see all these people who had come to see our boy, and pay tribute to his life, was truly overwhelming.  I am sorry to say, that faces blurred into one another, and I couldn't even begin to know how many people were there.  Some jumped out from the crowd, but the crowd was so big, and I just didn't know where to look. 

Our boy was settled at the front of the hall, sideways, so that all could see his lovely casket... and his photo's that we placed on top.  Balloons floated on either side. 

Evan and I would like to express our grateful thanks to Paul Stevens who led the remembrance for us.  We are so grateful to you... Logan respected you so much.  I would like to thank everyone who spoke so kindly of Logan... there were so many of you, that I daren't put any names in case I forget any, but please know that you are all treasured.

The songs that were sung were special to us.  Seasons of Love, is from Logan's favourite musical Rent. And Logan himself, chose the other two - Always look on the bright side of life, and Danny Boy. 

Afterwards, at Newstead (Oak Lawn), Uncle Peter (Edmonds) officiated for us, and read the inspirational poem Desiderata... then as they lowered our boy, Charlee read another poem... This was another one of those painful, knife in the chest, moments... It was at this point that the numbness began to creep in... 

Glitter was sprinkled onto his casket, and then after I released my dolphin into the air, 50 other coloured balloons, were released by the children at young people standing there... such a beautiful sight.... We sat on the ground around Logan and place more glitter on him and talked, then out of the quiet rose the voices of two singing angels... Ellyn and Jolene sang in harmony a beautiful waiata for our boy... the sun came out and we felt the peace... it was time to move on...

We returned to the hall, where Uncle Peter blessed our family and welcomed us back, along with blessing the kai. So much food.... it was never ending... we were honored that people would bring so much...

Our kind Junat friends, who had set up the hall, also tidied up afterwards along with other dear friends who do not like to be named... whilst we headed back to the lake with balloons for Logan... family released these privately, for our boy...

I have no photo's to post today, I am hoping to have some up tomorrow if I can get them from people.  There will be several posts tomorrow... you will know when the last post is up... but the blog will remain open for reading indefinitely...

Evan and I are alone now... the house is quiet... everyone is out... we are comfortably numb...