It all began last week, when Logan started requesting private meetings (you will remember), with Nyree, his transplant lady... Since then, a visit to PICU, and then a jump back to the positive. Then Logan began to develop blurred vision, most noticeably after the PICU visit... The opthalmologist saw nothing wrong with his eyes, except that he has glaucoma in his weird one.
The 11/11/11... a number which will stay forever in our minds...
The doc tells us that Logan's lungs are worse, as are his kidneys and his liver. He has fluid filling his belly, and around his lung. And lastly, there is an abnormality in the brain... noticed when he went for a scan that morning. Infection and fluid retention were ruled out, leaving the only other cause... the lymphoma is back. It is also back in his mouth, which is what Logan had reported to Nyree during his private meetings.
In true Logan style he had been keeping this a secret from us, not wanting to bother us, not wanting to see us sad.
Initially, yesterday, Logan was told to set some goals... which he said were to eat food, and return home, to the Waikato, and if possible to his own bed.
Today, things have again changed. Logan's condition has deteriorated. The doc has said that unless there is a drastic improvement, going home is no longer an option.
Throughout the last few days, Logan has been philosophical about it all. On the 11/11, he requested we tell no-one, and asked that Charlee, Evan and I sleep over in his room. On 12/11 (Rosie's birthday), family was told. Today, he waited for his best friend to get home from a surfing adventure to give her the sad news. She was top of his list, and he did not want her to hear from anyone else... He refused to tell her yesterday when he wanted to, as he wanted her to enjoy her birthday.
I have now been given permission to share this sad and devastating news on the blog... we were thinking of stopping the blog, but then realised, that this is just another part of his journey, and to stop now, would be to deny the reality. As Logan says, no-one said life would be fair, just that it would be worth it.
It breaks our hearts that we cannot return with Logan to the place that he has always called home, and to the place that loves him, to have one last look at the river, and smell the cow poo!... we are not giving up hope entirely that he will recover enough to be transported, but the chances are slim.
When I can, I will continue to post so that you can finish his journey with him. He will never be alone. Today he is very tired. He has moved back onto the morphine to control a persistent backache that is frustrating him. Occasionally the morphine gives him hallucinations, but he is relaxed about it, and accepting them for what they are. He is spending a lot of time making lists in his head, which he is never quite ready to share... the time will come when he is ready...
The time we have left is unknown, but we are hoping for lots, and realising it may be less...
Thanks so much to you all, for your love and support, your meals and snacks, your petrol and grocery vouchers, and your time... more precious than anything else...
|Rosetarded and Charlee... amusing Logan|
|a snuggle with sis|
|a snuggle with Rosie Posie|
|Logan moved onto oxygen before his adventure at PICU|
|Logan in PICU... spaceage...|
|A beautiful hndpainted card from a darling friend|
|Logan's entire left hand was bruised in PICU|
|Evan and I at Logan's sleepover|
|Logan and Mummy|
|As he struggles to breath, Logan moves onto humidified air|
Until we talk again
Tracy and Evan and family