tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85350877473582947112024-03-05T21:35:55.337+13:00Logan's JourneyLogan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.comBlogger211125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-3301395695378608102011-11-22T13:42:00.000+13:002011-11-22T13:42:21.648+13:00More Photo'sI found some more photo's that I haven't put up yet... included is a shot of Logan in his casket. I hope to post more photo's of the service when I receive them from people... enjoy...<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIZv80gt2_rxox5Z06dFTTTzzl2kyznnLkW1XoQg-b7I6gZHd3IkD06xZRfM5sFh0bxTj7tKAt0taR_7ux_iiBe4LY2lQrCVEtc1Heujc41LyZgZfSrFvuuofEzuVNWOJxsi_QSlSoSBY/s1600/DSC02364.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIZv80gt2_rxox5Z06dFTTTzzl2kyznnLkW1XoQg-b7I6gZHd3IkD06xZRfM5sFh0bxTj7tKAt0taR_7ux_iiBe4LY2lQrCVEtc1Heujc41LyZgZfSrFvuuofEzuVNWOJxsi_QSlSoSBY/s400/DSC02364.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-29277958718795159372011-11-20T23:08:00.000+13:002011-11-20T23:08:23.962+13:00The Last PostThis evening Evan and I did something we hadn't done in many, many months... we watched T.V. Such a random, mundane act, that brought a great sense of guilt to me... I had only buried my son yesterday, and yet somehow, I was able to watch telly... the punches in the stomach seem to come out of the blue now... in the beginning they were non-stop between periods of numbness, but now they leap from unexpected places to take my breath away and make my vision go blurry.<br />
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Today I also watched a gift that I was given from Logan's drama class... a DVD of Logan doing class performances... I was so proud... his joy on the stage was unmistakable, and I wish we had been able to see more. But more than anything, the gift they gave me was his voice. I have cried so much because I cannot remember it... and now I will always have it. They also gave us a book of photos... some drama and others personal.... these brought tears as there were many I had not seen before.<br />
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Evan and I are not sure when we will take down our tribute table to Logan. It is something that we will have to do, but will take time and courage. In the meantime, we will still light candles for him smile at his photos. I guess at some point I should vacuum his bedroom, if only for hygiene reasons, but I haven't been able to go in there since he left home... it could be a while away.<br />
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I would like to ask a favour... There were several people taking photo's yesterday, including a young man about Logan's age. If you know who this is, could you please have him contact us as we would like a copy of the photo's that he took. And if anyone else has photo's please forward them to us c/- Knighton Normal School, Knighton Rd, Hamilton. <br />
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THANKS <br />
<br />
Evan and I have so many people to thank... we don't want to embarrass anyone, so we thought it best to list what we are grateful for... Logan always told us we should look for the good in life and in people...<br />
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Thanks to the people and companies who:<br />
<ul><li>provided wood for our deck</li>
<li>built the deck</li>
<li>did the plumbing in the bathroom</li>
<li>did the walls of the bathroom</li>
<li>did the building in the bathroom</li>
<li>put lino on the bathroom floor</li>
<li>did newspaper articles on our son/s</li>
<li>gave us the money to bring Logan home</li>
<li>made us meals</li>
<li>made the kids meals</li>
<li>gave us food vouchers</li>
<li>gave us petrol vouchers</li>
<li>gave me a new cell phone</li>
<li>looked after my chickens</li>
<li>looked after our turtles</li>
<li>gave us time off work</li>
<li>gave my husband a million days leave in advance</li>
<li>let us cry on your shoulders</li>
<li>gave me breaks in hospital</li>
<li>drove all the way to Auckland just to say hello</li>
<li>made donations towards Logan's funeral costs</li>
<li>brought our parents to visit</li>
<li>sent mail</li>
<li>drew pictures</li>
<li>sent packages from home</li>
<li>and made our boy feel so loved....</li>
</ul>From the bottom of our hearts, Evan and I say thankyou to everyone who has supported Logan and our family through this last year... we are truly honoured to call you our friends and although Logan's Journey has now come to an end, we are only just beginning ours.<br />
<br />
Although we may post photo's here, this is the last written post.<br />
<br />
Good night and God Bless<br />
Until we talk again<br />
Tracy and Evan Roose<br />
along with Brad, Charlotte and Amanda.Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-86404639367155711582011-11-20T17:10:00.000+13:002011-11-20T17:10:13.663+13:00Balloons over the lake<span style="font-size: large;">After all was said and done yesterday, the family went down to the lake that Logan loved so much, and released balloons in his name... we hope you enjoy these shots courtesy of Logan's Poppa Doug...</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIbK4SVdbS77I667uPjopmeOKwEkwQaJxQrSYaUejO8mBAi1FF1qpoa8X1SgYOR3uwXKuQgmXRHuMfGTBNoQ_FFSO7NjVW1ve9ANhalQL8pRCbQxPomDRoBsMKSgLXbEv1rUnbSng3Tbc/s1600/20111120_0016_Web.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIbK4SVdbS77I667uPjopmeOKwEkwQaJxQrSYaUejO8mBAi1FF1qpoa8X1SgYOR3uwXKuQgmXRHuMfGTBNoQ_FFSO7NjVW1ve9ANhalQL8pRCbQxPomDRoBsMKSgLXbEv1rUnbSng3Tbc/s400/20111120_0016_Web.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-75262162080802923002011-11-20T11:41:00.000+13:002011-11-20T11:41:48.576+13:00Logan's resting placeEvan and I went out to see Logan's resting place this morning... We took a huge lump of quartz that we had found on one of our family adventures and placed it at the head of his bed. The roses that were place there are beautiful and his area is tidy, with a little glitter still coating the ground.<br />
<br />
Evan and I both agreed, that although our boy now sleeps there, we do not feel him there... he is, and always will be, at home with us.<br />
<br />
We are still lighting his candles at home. His remembrance table counts 65 cards and it continues to grow. Our numbness is beginning to crack again and moments of pain or joy are creeping through... we are told we will find our new normal... we are not sure if this is true, or if we even want to... but Logan continues to smile at us from his photo and tell us... it's going to be ok...Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-25452975490768375102011-11-20T09:59:00.000+13:002011-11-20T09:59:17.052+13:00Overwhelmed and SurprisedEvan and I sat down this morning with our breakfast and picked up the black sheets of paper that we had people sign... OMG! as Logan would have said... there were so many...<div><br />
</div><div>The surprising part, was the number of people there that we hadn't even had the chance to say hello to, the people from years ago, old teachers, physio, doctors, fellow cancer patients that we had met in Starship, kindy friends that had lost touch... so many people...</div><div><br />
</div><div>Logan loved, and was loved by so many people....</div><div><br />
</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">If you did not get an opportunity to sign the pages, please stop by the house... we would like to have as many memories as possible before we have it bound...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div>More to come in later postings...</div><div><br />
</div><div>Tracy and Evan</div>Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-41172340591701552332011-11-20T09:45:00.000+13:002011-11-20T09:45:28.236+13:00A note from Uncle Dean...Uncle Dean lives in Auckland... when Logan was diagnosed last year he told friends and people he worked with and would casually pass on the details of the blog...<div><br />
</div><div>The blog began to take on a life of its own. And towards the end, had an extensive following...</div><div><br />
</div><div>Evan and I have been overwhelmed by the generosity of the following people and companies in Auckland, many who we do not even know, who are helping to contribute toward the costs we are about to face:</div><div><br />
</div><div>Grant and Jan Ford</div><div>D & N Sealesford - Fox Property Maintenance</div><div>Rotary Club of North Harbour</div><div>Brendan & EJ Scott</div><div>The Staff of Lochores Rental Office - Birkenhead</div><div>Harry Williams (Auckland Property Management)</div><div>Tony Keene</div><div>Peter & Lisa Taylor</div><div>Richard & Nadine Redfearn</div><div>Deon & Lara Boonzaier</div><div>Grant Lendich</div><div>Darren Roberts & Jacqui Oliviar</div><div><br />
</div><div>Together they have contributed over $2,200. Evan and I would like to thank you so much... </div><div>Dean tells us that there may be more... if we are unable to thank you today, please known that you are in our hearts... We will be posting the last post this evening, and will continue to place updates as we go through the day...</div>Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-41266770664852232782011-11-19T21:46:00.000+13:002011-11-19T21:46:50.453+13:00Comfortably numbI have laid on my bed for the past hour looking out the window, watching the sun set. The lounge was too noisy, and the children too hard to look at. Everywhere I looked was pain...<div><br />
</div><div>I am told today was wonderful, memorable, honorable... it is all a bit of a blur. Pain arrived in waves today, beginning with the arrival of Pellows. Looking at my boys' face for the last time and placing his treasures around him as close friends and family stood by. We gently bent the lid of his casket to form a cover over him. It was painted with birds and flowers that I hope he likes.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Uncle Peter blessed Logan whilst we stood around the hearse and then we made a small procession down to the lake, where I told him how much I loved him, and then drove him to his service.</div><div><br />
</div><div>As we neared Knighton, we began to realise that love for Logan had no bounds... the streets were lined with cars, and the courts and staff carpark were full as well. People were everywhere... familiar faces and new grouped together in a montage of love.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Brad, Charlotte, Tom, Rose, Amanda and Alex gently took Logan from the vehicle and we followed them inside... the crowd of people took our breath away... It had been hard to hold back the emotions, but to see all these people who had come to see our boy, and pay tribute to his life, was truly overwhelming. I am sorry to say, that faces blurred into one another, and I couldn't even begin to know how many people were there. Some jumped out from the crowd, but the crowd was so big, and I just didn't know where to look. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Our boy was settled at the front of the hall, sideways, so that all could see his lovely casket... and his photo's that we placed on top. Balloons floated on either side. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Evan and I would like to express our grateful thanks to Paul Stevens who led the remembrance for us. We are so grateful to you... Logan respected you so much. I would like to thank everyone who spoke so kindly of Logan... there were so many of you, that I daren't put any names in case I forget any, but please know that you are all treasured.</div><div><br />
</div><div>The songs that were sung were special to us. Seasons of Love, is from Logan's favourite musical Rent. And Logan himself, chose the other two - Always look on the bright side of life, and Danny Boy. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Afterwards, at Newstead (Oak Lawn), Uncle Peter (Edmonds) officiated for us, and read the inspirational poem Desiderata... then as they lowered our boy, Charlee read another poem... This was another one of those painful, knife in the chest, moments... It was at this point that the numbness began to creep in... </div><div><br />
</div><div>Glitter was sprinkled onto his casket, and then after I released my dolphin into the air, 50 other coloured balloons, were released by the children at young people standing there... such a beautiful sight.... We sat on the ground around Logan and place more glitter on him and talked, then out of the quiet rose the voices of two singing angels... Ellyn and Jolene sang in harmony a beautiful waiata for our boy... the sun came out and we felt the peace... it was time to move on...</div><div><br />
</div><div>We returned to the hall, where Uncle Peter blessed our family and welcomed us back, along with blessing the kai. So much food.... it was never ending... we were honored that people would bring so much...</div><div><br />
</div><div>Our kind Junat friends, who had set up the hall, also tidied up afterwards along with other dear friends who do not like to be named... whilst we headed back to the lake with balloons for Logan... family released these privately, for our boy...</div><div><br />
</div><div>I have no photo's to post today, I am hoping to have some up tomorrow if I can get them from people. There will be several posts tomorrow... you will know when the last post is up... but the blog will remain open for reading indefinitely...</div><div><br />
</div><div>Evan and I are alone now... the house is quiet... everyone is out... we are comfortably numb...</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div>Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-83708473401116954232011-11-19T08:50:00.000+13:002011-11-19T08:50:10.598+13:00Saturday morningI woke at 7am this morning... knowing this is our boy's last day with us... it hurts... in a physical sense.... my chest is tight and I constantly feel as though I am about to dissolve... <div><br />
</div><div>We know that family will begin to arrive soon. Evan busies himself by cleaning... I just don't care... I have organised everything that I can control... the heavens are showering us with glorious sunshine, and I feel that Logan is happy today. We have received so many flowers, that the local courier shares a sad smile with us every time he comes by. The mailbox has never been so full. We received a letter today, handwritten, from someone who didn't even sign their name... it was beautiful...</div><div><br />
</div><div>My constant worry is that I will embarrass our boy, who was so strong when we were not... and I guess I know that the reality is, he knows me better that I know myself, and will half be expecting it.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Our pantry is full of food. Friends have come by with bags of groceries, as have Canteen and CCF. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Today, we will take Logan for a drive to the lake, to sit for one last time, looking over the water. Our treasured son who asked for absolutely nothing, and yet gave so much!</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div>Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-49575608449817990582011-11-18T21:12:00.000+13:002011-11-18T21:12:11.093+13:00The Evening before Logan's FarewellExhaustion begins to set in now.... Evan and I are slowly coming to terms with Logan's passing, and are coping better, but the emotional and physical strength it takes to be wrapped in so much love, every day, is quite incredible. It is 8.45pm and for the first time this week, we are alone in house without guests before 10pm... We have loved having them here. They having taken the sting out of our loss, bringing laughter and joy back into our lives, when we didn't think there was any. But I am hugged out... and yet there is more to come...<div><br />
</div><div>Today, in gaps, we finalised all of Logan's plans for tomorrow... Charlee designed the Order of Service and organised for Nell to print it off. Brad collated the background music and the three special songs. Charlee also scanned many, many photo's and along with Brad's music, delivered to to our friend Rochelle to be popped onto a school laptop.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Logan's casket arrived today, and with the help of friends and family, Logan was gently placed in the last bed he will ever sleep in. It is a beautiful design, and we hope that he would approve. An environmentally friendly casket that was hand picked by Brad and Charlee, especially to suit his personality... lined with sheepskin...</div><div><br />
</div><div>We held two brief meetings today... one with Paul, who will run our service for us. He is a long time family friend who does Logan a great honour. They get along so well. And the other will Uncle Peter, who will be performing the committal. We know that Logan would be please to have friends and family take his service. </div><div><br />
</div><div>We have tried at all times, to keep this remembrance run by people who know and love Logan... not wanting strangers to talk of our son who is so precious to us... We think we have done the right thing... We hope he would approve.</div><div><br />
</div><div>The only thing that we did not do this for was the waitress staff, as we want everyone to come and enjoy the day. We are so grateful that people will be bringing plates of food, as we have no idea how many will come, and would not want to under cater, but we have tried to make sure that we have many different varieties of drink...</div><div><br />
</div><div>It is easy to waffle about things that don't really mean much... in reality I know that tonight is the last night with my baby... and tomorrow I will have to let him go for good.... Unlike Logan I have beliefs... I pray that I will have the strength to let him go when the time comes and not embarrass him... I pray that I will not break and shatter into a million pieces that will never come back together again.... and I pray that this pain will ease one day... I am not as strong as my boy and I just don't think I can control it forever.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Sometimes when I lay awake at night, my mind races uncontrollably. My biggest fear is that I will forget... forget the little things that are Logan... his quirky smile, his sparkling eyes, his kind and patient manner, his voice... already I struggle to remember his voice.... it is frightening... </div><div><br />
</div><div>Thank god for the photos... I pray they will be enough...</div>Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-57456646555952744012011-11-18T09:28:00.000+13:002011-11-18T09:28:16.909+13:00A photo pageSome photo's of Logan's last days and some since... there will be some shots that include Logan since he has past. Please know this, and that they are put here at the request of those who love him. Should they be too difficult to look at, neither he, nor us, will be offended... <div><br />
</div><div>Arohanui</div><div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAvUjIshML411z78Yd__i9meizg-bUQdBCrPmyhL-FQ7uiixbhP6EA4cbPh2r_8lEQ_nz9VfKQoZSYDIUPtHfB9jxsjV9VWrmnnDyuNht26BwJ6sEQiiCgZbFvsLPEDG-R9A99RIShyP8/s1600/DSC02254.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAvUjIshML411z78Yd__i9meizg-bUQdBCrPmyhL-FQ7uiixbhP6EA4cbPh2r_8lEQ_nz9VfKQoZSYDIUPtHfB9jxsjV9VWrmnnDyuNht26BwJ6sEQiiCgZbFvsLPEDG-R9A99RIShyP8/s320/DSC02254.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The night before he passed</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaVbh79cqHcZO8boFR6x7uxCkrjp23beVrlT6rDzE_WV8R6C42xKTVXz70f-e74AgjX8DHroeiuPPe-GWeq-ZdXOIV3Uva7k2MUJDI4EwRiqG3UA0dWS7PhbiCs0Qu-bKrrKDcV1oLpqE/s1600/DSC02256.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaVbh79cqHcZO8boFR6x7uxCkrjp23beVrlT6rDzE_WV8R6C42xKTVXz70f-e74AgjX8DHroeiuPPe-GWeq-ZdXOIV3Uva7k2MUJDI4EwRiqG3UA0dWS7PhbiCs0Qu-bKrrKDcV1oLpqE/s320/DSC02256.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">An hour before he left us... Charlee and I waited at his side</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwOEPlT-pyipzrds66ltYUpYp-ocxKynVxMbHzXrugmCXDRGkFooKOBYdlGCO53ntdaGV2TTkMxoX8B5-uYquNb2MJcG-R1QoOxipyGXA82ToOm9E1lNwEjihEqlOPqM-IgvHvB__CvG8/s1600/DSC02257.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwOEPlT-pyipzrds66ltYUpYp-ocxKynVxMbHzXrugmCXDRGkFooKOBYdlGCO53ntdaGV2TTkMxoX8B5-uYquNb2MJcG-R1QoOxipyGXA82ToOm9E1lNwEjihEqlOPqM-IgvHvB__CvG8/s320/DSC02257.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">When he left us, Charlee climbed onto his bed and held him for the last time... we could no longer hurt him</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL_RUO2UC06arIaqTmZ0LyRubdYReklefTGNt8KGlCo_UcKgFQ4CqFYuC-jJcwczwZaPF68xNowZKn9PSOvwLGa_h0udSgHzLeKlY62KxeYEXEeccAhQaIFtwTbulxny02vjvuFvkkb10/s1600/DSC02258.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL_RUO2UC06arIaqTmZ0LyRubdYReklefTGNt8KGlCo_UcKgFQ4CqFYuC-jJcwczwZaPF68xNowZKn9PSOvwLGa_h0udSgHzLeKlY62KxeYEXEeccAhQaIFtwTbulxny02vjvuFvkkb10/s320/DSC02258.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Uncle Dean gives his love</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPHPwhOT3DKenI1qQuKGn9igLandQgZ77fN4O32h502OMX6WIEIANWKZIg4o2M-0dOXM_063mLGFou6LjZFIeZHT-LZJw1SbkPf62sIVKWpWzTGTi2VIPLkIfakXdMAPOblNM_VG5OJ0c/s1600/DSC02259.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPHPwhOT3DKenI1qQuKGn9igLandQgZ77fN4O32h502OMX6WIEIANWKZIg4o2M-0dOXM_063mLGFou6LjZFIeZHT-LZJw1SbkPf62sIVKWpWzTGTi2VIPLkIfakXdMAPOblNM_VG5OJ0c/s320/DSC02259.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our Angel, finally at peace</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_ElsxLCCY2UfVlCZqfKVF1pxblGEcObfRtjzMb1V2w9hFIV6mvg14QoFQjIFUBPQjGWVT-f8y31U3vhAI9BEE0y53M34PTcKWcT1Gecn96VlLH_BNW2kparmOXwE1VKFScbV6YYWuK9E/s1600/DSC02260.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_ElsxLCCY2UfVlCZqfKVF1pxblGEcObfRtjzMb1V2w9hFIV6mvg14QoFQjIFUBPQjGWVT-f8y31U3vhAI9BEE0y53M34PTcKWcT1Gecn96VlLH_BNW2kparmOXwE1VKFScbV6YYWuK9E/s320/DSC02260.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rosemary held his hand and cried</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> FAMILY ARRIVED</span></div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOeJwnUwzfpA6hnrZjWGGP0natt2ZbAxxWMBK41rDj4gVIk85yQncWrxRJh2xiC8bpnaiParN_hw_U2PYBVzFccJtOXepgS8M1rSLQDAiEzPkHurtZ_Oxa6an-FybgEReagw1Stqjd-oc/s1600/DSC02279.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOeJwnUwzfpA6hnrZjWGGP0natt2ZbAxxWMBK41rDj4gVIk85yQncWrxRJh2xiC8bpnaiParN_hw_U2PYBVzFccJtOXepgS8M1rSLQDAiEzPkHurtZ_Oxa6an-FybgEReagw1Stqjd-oc/s320/DSC02279.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Charlee and Rose place his badge on the wall at Starship, to commemorate the end of his journey</td></tr>
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</div>Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-17727804333430466192011-11-16T12:57:00.000+13:002011-11-16T12:57:38.181+13:00Two nights at homeHello again,<br />
My apologies for not posting yesterday... I always seemed to be in someones arms in some room of the house, right up till bedtime!<br />
We have been home for two nights now and life seems strangely surreal. Sometimes I not sure if I am dreaming and will wake up soon, or if everything before was a dream, and that we have never even been to hospital... but I guess that is the reality of grief.... We are for all intense purposes, unstable!<br />
<br />
Visitors, friends and whanau have come and gone, some staying minutes, others hours. They all leave a little piece of themselves. Logan lies in peace in his room, whilst in the lounge, flowers, candles and other memorabilia adorn our dining table in the lounge. A notice went into the papers today... I think we asked for Waikato Times and the Herald, but it's all a bit of a blur.<br />
<br />
By some form of magic, our fridge and pantry have filled themselves, and our home is constantly being cleaned. We are blessed with the best friends.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Logan's Remembrance Service will be held on Saturday 19/11/11 at 1pm in Knighton Normal School Hall. Followed by his burial at 3pm at Newstead.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Logan did not want people being somber and crying around him. So in true Logan style....</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">- Please wear bright clothing</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">- If you have a t-shirt with a funny slogan please wear it</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">- And/or ...If you have a flannel shirt, you can wear that!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">- Jeans are more than OK!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Could you please bring a plate of food to share, for refreshments, these will be held in the staffroom, until after the remembrance.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Coffe, tea, and cold drinks, will be provided.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">DONOT, bring any food or drink into the hall whilst Logan is in there out of respect to the family.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Once Logan leaves, a blessing will be said over the hall, and on our return, another said to bless our family, before we re-enter the building.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The service will not have any religious moments apart from this as per Logan's wishes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">We would love everyone to come back to the hall after the burial to help us to continue to remember him...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">In lieu of flowers, as per Logan's wishes, a donation can be left at the service for Ronald McDonald House. He had planned to go back to do fund-raising for them.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
Logan will continue to stay home with us until Saturday. Before the service, family will take him for a drive around his favourite spots, and then bring him to his Knighton. Please feel free to come by at any time and visit him, and/or share a meal with us. You are always welcome in our home.Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-63779172975427607772011-11-14T20:30:00.001+13:002011-11-14T20:31:59.589+13:00We are home....This evening we arrived home... Logan will be joining us tomorrow afternoon. We have decided to have his remembrance on Saturday... details will follow. Rosemary had the honour of accompanying him home...<br />
<div><br />
</div><div>I was so proud to be with our son at the end, along with Evan, Charlee, Tania and Rose.... He was strong till the end. We miss him deeply and are grateful that we can have him at home for a few days until Saturday.</div><div><br />
</div><div>We will keep you posted on upcoming events. The last post of this blog will be this Sunday.... and as per Logan's wishes, we will publish it into a book. Not sure how, but apparently it is an option with this service.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Thanks so much to all, for your love, kind thoughts, and condolences. <br />
<br />
You are welcome to visit Logan at home at any time... he will be honoured to have you care.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlotte.</div>Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-66426697095254119612011-11-14T09:33:00.000+13:002011-11-14T09:33:53.568+13:00The road homeThis morning, Logan's breathing slowed, his pulse dropped, and he relaxed.<br />
At 8.12am, all the pain stopped.<br />
He's now watching over us all from heaven.<br />
He will be in our hearts forever.<br />
You were the best little brother a sister could ever ask for.<br />
I love you always and you will never be far from my thoughts.<br />
Your little big sister xoxoxo<br />
CharlieLogan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-17117338392951361642011-11-14T02:08:00.000+13:002011-11-14T02:08:36.428+13:00Time begins to race...Why is it that when you want time to slow down... it speeds up! The time is 1.15am and it is my shift to stay up with Logan. We have decided that he will not be alone any more, and this means one person awake at all times. An incident this evening made this even more important... <div><br />
</div><div>For some unusual reason, Evan and I were still awake at 11.30ish. Rosemary, Tania, and Charlotte, had all headed down to RMcD house for the night. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure how it all started... maybe Logan's breathing was heavier, or his movements a little strange... I'm not certain, but something wasn't right.</div><div><br />
</div><div>We insisted on the doctor being called. Within five minutes, Logan had lost his speech, and all movement and feeling on his right hand side. He was groaning and grunting and we feared the worst. We sent for the others and held on as best we could. Logan kept pointing toward the window and groaning. We thought he was asking for Rosie, but we could not pacify him. Finally, I took a good look in that direction, and realised he was asking for his drink bottle...</div><div><br />
</div><div>The nurses were reluctant to let him drink, but I thought damn it... If he was going to go, he was going to go out in style... so I let him drink. I tried to get him to take it slow, but his left hand was strong and kept pulling the bottle back. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Tania arrived with Charlee and Rose in tow. We all gathered around as the docs poked and prodded. Ward nurses came and went. Tears ebbed and flowed. After a while, I called a halt to the tears and said enough was enough. Logan doesn't approve of tears and there would not be any.</div><div><br />
</div><div>A short time after that, Logan grunted something to me... then he repeated it. Charlotte removed his mask so we could hear him better... he said "you didn't give me enough drink". He was back! Things improved from there. His feeling came back bit by bit, till he regained it all. His breathing is still very bad, with fluid build up not shifting no matter what they do.</div><div><br />
</div><div>The doctor said one of two things may of happened. Either he had a bleed on the brain... which is possible as his red cells were down, and so were his platelets, or his tumour on the brain is affecting nerves. Apparently elderly people can have these 'episodes' which correct themselves all the time. </div><div><br />
</div><div>The only treatment they can give for his breathing is morphine, which will relax him so that he doesn't worry so much about trying to catch his breath all the time... I didn't even consider this could be an issue... fighting for breath... </div><div><br />
</div><div>I look at him, trying hard to sleep, but probably afraid to. He did ask the doctor if it was safe to sleep... I promised him then that one of us would stay up with him at all times. The doctor said that sleep could only help... I hope so. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Tomorrow we had planned a trip outside with him, in his bed, to the domain. It seems like every time I plan something, it falls flat! I don't want it to end here... We have been in contact with people in the hospital at Waikato and they are going to call people up here, to see if they can arrange the transfer. I spoke to Logan today, and he said that he will stay in Auckland, if the journey home could shorten his life. So we will be guided by his wishes.</div><div><br />
</div><div>A thank you goes out to Uncle Dean, who popped in for a visit earlier this evening, even though he couldn't stay for long. Logan tired too quickly and kicked his uncle out! No offence was taken, and Uncle Dean promised to stop by for another visit soon. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Logan has been flooded with texts and posts on my fb from people who send their love and expressions of anger and sadness at his situation. He had received many requests for permission to visit... he is happy to see people, but only for short periods. He tires too quickly even without talking now. Please let us know if you are coming, so that we don't over load on one day... We don't want to have to turn anyone away...</div><div><br />
</div><div>As I look around the room, at 2am, I see Evan laying on the fold down bed, pretending to sleep, Charlee sits/lays in a typical, red waiting room chair, whilst also leaning against Logan's bed. Logan looks the most peaceful that he has all night. He has given himself several bolus of morphine to help settle his breathing... spoke too soon. Just woke up mumbling... and when I questioned him he said he thought we had visitors from Canteen. This is the morphine doing it's thing... he often sees or hears stuff that he calls his other reality... funny for us, but frustrating for him.</div><div><br />
</div><div>The other issue for Logan is a persistent cough that he has. It is not an infection, but rather a collection of fluid in his chest. This gets quite intense at times, making breathing even harder. Periods without coughing are worth gold... he is so exhausted that he needs all the rest he can get.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I need to give him his insulin now so had better sign off... </div><div><br />
</div><div>Bless you all,</div><div>TTFN</div><div>Tracy</div><div>p.s. sorry for the grammar and spelling mistakes... I is a bit tired!</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div>Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-65165930623891807422011-11-13T17:18:00.000+13:002011-11-13T17:18:27.791+13:00A request from Logan...Please do not put this information on facebook... you are welcome to put comments on the blog, send text to Logan, Evan, Charlotte or myself, or other ways. But Logan does not want strangers writing comments about him, who randomly search fb....<br />
<br />
Thanks for that.<br />
TracyLogan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-84373925508892129562011-11-13T15:06:00.000+13:002011-11-13T15:06:08.905+13:00Another leg in the journeyMy apologies for the delay in posting...<br />
<br />
It all began last week, when Logan started requesting private meetings (you will remember), with Nyree, his transplant lady... Since then, a visit to PICU, and then a jump back to the positive. Then Logan began to develop blurred vision, most noticeably after the PICU visit... The opthalmologist saw nothing wrong with his eyes, except that he has glaucoma in his weird one.<br />
<br />
The 11/11/11... a number which will stay forever in our minds...<br />
<br />
The doc tells us that Logan's lungs are worse, as are his kidneys and his liver. He has fluid filling his belly, and around his lung. And lastly, there is an abnormality in the brain... noticed when he went for a scan that morning. Infection and fluid retention were ruled out, leaving the only other cause... the lymphoma is back. It is also back in his mouth, which is what Logan had reported to Nyree during his private meetings.<br />
<br />
In true Logan style he had been keeping this a secret from us, not wanting to bother us, not wanting to see us sad.<br />
<br />
Initially, yesterday, Logan was told to set some goals... which he said were to eat food, and return home, to the Waikato, and if possible to his own bed. <br />
<br />
Today, things have again changed. Logan's condition has deteriorated. The doc has said that unless there is a drastic improvement, going home is no longer an option.<br />
<br />
Throughout the last few days, Logan has been philosophical about it all. On the 11/11, he requested we tell no-one, and asked that Charlee, Evan and I sleep over in his room. On 12/11 (Rosie's birthday), family was told. Today, he waited for his best friend to get home from a surfing adventure to give her the sad news. She was top of his list, and he did not want her to hear from anyone else... He refused to tell her yesterday when he wanted to, as he wanted her to enjoy her birthday.<br />
<br />
I have now been given permission to share this sad and devastating news on the blog... we were thinking of stopping the blog, but then realised, that this is just another part of his journey, and to stop now, would be to deny the reality. As Logan says, no-one said life would be fair, just that it would be worth it.<br />
<br />
It breaks our hearts that we cannot return with Logan to the place that he has always called home, and to the place that loves him, to have one last look at the river, and smell the cow poo!... we are not giving up hope entirely that he will recover enough to be transported, but the chances are slim.<br />
<br />
When I can, I will continue to post so that you can finish his journey with him. He will never be alone. Today he is very tired. He has moved back onto the morphine to control a persistent backache that is frustrating him. Occasionally the morphine gives him hallucinations, but he is relaxed about it, and accepting them for what they are. He is spending a lot of time making lists in his head, which he is never quite ready to share... the time will come when he is ready...<br />
<br />
The time we have left is unknown, but we are hoping for lots, and realising it may be less...<br />
<br />
Thanks so much to you all, for your love and support, your meals and snacks, your petrol and grocery vouchers, and your time... more precious than anything else...<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIgwpfcYxbKb6-b3Y35vHZq36sYkyJaEyyDoJd8P4xeUubHdLhy4hmBJVYAMmFri3FltNqdEMUDi3c59BFniYn0KwkePLMyChGESdM_OpPwlwZH1YEmlE6SYJyjhWjkXobAosKOhVDR7g/s1600/DSC02195.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIgwpfcYxbKb6-b3Y35vHZq36sYkyJaEyyDoJd8P4xeUubHdLhy4hmBJVYAMmFri3FltNqdEMUDi3c59BFniYn0KwkePLMyChGESdM_OpPwlwZH1YEmlE6SYJyjhWjkXobAosKOhVDR7g/s400/DSC02195.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rosetarded and Charlee... amusing Logan</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWCQfDJY5nH7XxyIRPQtyoeuYjbPlXDTdVTIACT51wANhWsZatudpo9zPa4sN8trGfrPsebYAf57s1LGxHWZaMfFORbrLQRAqwn87tipLePSW9IWhR1-gjQzU1SbyTMcHUplywv_jFW7c/s1600/DSC02204.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWCQfDJY5nH7XxyIRPQtyoeuYjbPlXDTdVTIACT51wANhWsZatudpo9zPa4sN8trGfrPsebYAf57s1LGxHWZaMfFORbrLQRAqwn87tipLePSW9IWhR1-gjQzU1SbyTMcHUplywv_jFW7c/s400/DSC02204.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">a snuggle with sis</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfcg9LETvQUMIsOdbN_5l01zqBQh2MPUXYujo8b1ecjUEP7DbThJ_t9rI81XIH0x5amOq_hRqFYcTtXmmNVI2FEaWz2amvPFQ0cm2VTiOJbv9zYYBu-9Y6OLC_r08dksGh8mb-cmL5wXg/s1600/DSC02205.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfcg9LETvQUMIsOdbN_5l01zqBQh2MPUXYujo8b1ecjUEP7DbThJ_t9rI81XIH0x5amOq_hRqFYcTtXmmNVI2FEaWz2amvPFQ0cm2VTiOJbv9zYYBu-9Y6OLC_r08dksGh8mb-cmL5wXg/s400/DSC02205.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">a snuggle with Rosie Posie</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTuHBMB9OOzcyHOBya-tKfR8WqidXGo-nhpsTp09jBJe-I64K6qeFNXAOXkxBPzdXirr8n8g1XhAYhAEkvyTNjo9VR06vwazpVLpuiznuWJ54LtrnSyob9Dz1uYSa-yo2x_P8gLvX7_Xs/s1600/DSC02215.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTuHBMB9OOzcyHOBya-tKfR8WqidXGo-nhpsTp09jBJe-I64K6qeFNXAOXkxBPzdXirr8n8g1XhAYhAEkvyTNjo9VR06vwazpVLpuiznuWJ54LtrnSyob9Dz1uYSa-yo2x_P8gLvX7_Xs/s400/DSC02215.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Logan moved onto oxygen before his adventure at PICU</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCh_2i-wg9j9TZb6Qry5n0U5aX4HWhMGCfjQARVNWt2lnGzD5xk6GFu13uu5zvI27rTOSs7ZjYU3og1gqdPTwX6lt77-gY1pe78R9XI2a24lqjIfjcbnriKyihbob5mtBCcdP15JGH4Ck/s1600/DSC02223.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCh_2i-wg9j9TZb6Qry5n0U5aX4HWhMGCfjQARVNWt2lnGzD5xk6GFu13uu5zvI27rTOSs7ZjYU3og1gqdPTwX6lt77-gY1pe78R9XI2a24lqjIfjcbnriKyihbob5mtBCcdP15JGH4Ck/s400/DSC02223.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Logan in PICU... spaceage...</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi20RPA-IhmidKeaCNcM4IQbm1faZUOtsdmdGwB21vjElg3K7iZwaFG5VZaSOV0Ecd5WrwAALk28bK4smTmX_u8clg1VPnIFZkyQGVpTbGu7_rVnBfubT6aT8kypygz_T_DPiOTsW8T21A/s1600/DSC02236.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi20RPA-IhmidKeaCNcM4IQbm1faZUOtsdmdGwB21vjElg3K7iZwaFG5VZaSOV0Ecd5WrwAALk28bK4smTmX_u8clg1VPnIFZkyQGVpTbGu7_rVnBfubT6aT8kypygz_T_DPiOTsW8T21A/s400/DSC02236.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A beautiful hndpainted card from a darling friend</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDvwQWiUqK0KR5BAgKI_kIMXU2XYESBeH0hG_m-TBQ0Nj13yePCJElc6Fy6mlGjcr252J9OV47VhJoGgCC2NYKW3Vy29S5UiqF8Ww8u9ilviqXWH4Qu6hplRMEqLb18GA_V5GI6oCp2Uo/s1600/DSC02241.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDvwQWiUqK0KR5BAgKI_kIMXU2XYESBeH0hG_m-TBQ0Nj13yePCJElc6Fy6mlGjcr252J9OV47VhJoGgCC2NYKW3Vy29S5UiqF8Ww8u9ilviqXWH4Qu6hplRMEqLb18GA_V5GI6oCp2Uo/s400/DSC02241.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Logan's entire left hand was bruised in PICU</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidfpyGkW2FmvBKfK12ppM3hwYhrQe8tX8haZr52RMh1GIpgh76wtYSd7X6-_vPQSWLobhhJRAMk50nBkDyp6Pgvc1E0jzqSJLA32rEtZawr_6GNNW0l_WxezmZCNxOvWSkjgZUt1OmixA/s1600/DSC02245.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidfpyGkW2FmvBKfK12ppM3hwYhrQe8tX8haZr52RMh1GIpgh76wtYSd7X6-_vPQSWLobhhJRAMk50nBkDyp6Pgvc1E0jzqSJLA32rEtZawr_6GNNW0l_WxezmZCNxOvWSkjgZUt1OmixA/s400/DSC02245.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Evan and I at Logan's sleepover</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMANRdC_OmqHEEtvKeYdpkHKBMOHNSRuMO4T2nCzr7LK_YLPMpl1I5IH8r1QcDWWbKDP5Pw4xy8NenNb-tE8btf9dGL41Z4v_XCJb2MRuJ9x4CwoNrxmvoSX4lYQ6Oeuua4nLM8csNXFU/s1600/DSC02246.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMANRdC_OmqHEEtvKeYdpkHKBMOHNSRuMO4T2nCzr7LK_YLPMpl1I5IH8r1QcDWWbKDP5Pw4xy8NenNb-tE8btf9dGL41Z4v_XCJb2MRuJ9x4CwoNrxmvoSX4lYQ6Oeuua4nLM8csNXFU/s400/DSC02246.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Logan and Mummy</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7XHxjRhE5h5Y4iuulJIfg_4jng1NrVw3-nqQCmq_uwLpQTgwWY4OWTHdtBXeajoOD1WNyEFBcdYyGpyVesqQEsGDBPZLfEmDz5Yl6sAG170JFS7mbsCswttEKKdI9raqrvArrUWsiC4s/s1600/DSC02251.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7XHxjRhE5h5Y4iuulJIfg_4jng1NrVw3-nqQCmq_uwLpQTgwWY4OWTHdtBXeajoOD1WNyEFBcdYyGpyVesqQEsGDBPZLfEmDz5Yl6sAG170JFS7mbsCswttEKKdI9raqrvArrUWsiC4s/s400/DSC02251.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">As he struggles to breath, Logan moves onto humidified air</td></tr>
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<br />
Until we talk again<br />
TTFN<br />
<br />
Tracy and Evan and familyLogan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-1771546253963779302011-11-10T17:10:00.000+13:002011-11-10T17:10:00.138+13:00Transplant Day +31 - a time to reflect...Looking back over the last 24hrs, they feel as though they happened to someone else... certainly not us. We should be nervous wrecks, but we are not, and there seems to be no rhyme or reason for our calmness... afterall, last night, or son was unconscious and in kidney failure and renal distress...<br />
<br />
But from the beginning.<br />
Yesterday evening, Logan was asleep. He had been talking and groaning in his sleep, and although I was concerned, the nurses assured me that he was just dreaming... afterall... his BP, pulse and temp were fine. Though his pulse rate was lower than its usual 125bpm, that was not a bad thing.<br />
<br />
Things changed at the speed of light when his regular blood sugar was taken and a glucose reading of 0.6 was discovered! He was not sleep talking... he was unconscious and slipping into a diabetic coma! <br />
<br />
In my usual bossy way, I ordered the nurse to grab his glucagon injection, which was beside the bed, draw it up and stab him in the leg! She did this whilst the other nurse left the room, and unbeknownst to me, called a 'code'. This is done by dialling a phone number, which results in a million people landing on our doorstep simultaneously, bringing doctors, nurses, specialists and a crash cart! <br />
<br />
I stayed at Logan's head the whole time, taking blood sugars, talking to him, gently slapping his face and basically doing anything I could to encourage him to speak with me. He later told me that he had no memory of this, and that when he did come around, it was slowly, as if from an anaesthetic. I was later told by a doctor, in ICU, that they thought I was a nurse until they saw me at his bedside down there. LOL. I'm obviously a fabulous actor. Evan was the sensible one and stepped to the back of the room to let them do their work... I've never been one to make good choices!<br />
<br />
Eventually, much to everyone's delight, Logan started to answer my questions with some clarity. Which resulted in me yelling out "he's back!" like some idgit! Unfortunately, the levels did not remain stable and he required several bolus (you should know what that means by now), of sugar. <br />
<br />
The irony of the situation is that once he was conscious and his bloods were acceptable (not ass-septible), they all walked out and left the three of us on our own... two of us shaky and slightly shell-shocked. Eventually the Ward Manager, Natalie, came and introduced herself and said that she felt it would be too much for her staff to care for Logan, at least in the short term, as he had more needs than she felt it was fair for them to manage, and said that their was a high likely-hood, of him being moved to PICU.<br />
<br />
This was not too much of a shock, as the liver people had already suggested it might happen, but it was the conditions under which it was being implemented that made us a little shaky. So whilst they considered this, Evan and I took the smart option and prepared for the possibility, which was just as well, as they gave us no warning and just came to take him. <br />
<br />
The room was left for us, with all our stuff in it, just missing us, the bed, and a small backpack of gear. Arriving at PICU was not as scary as I thought it would be. I have been to ICU and HDU in Waikato, and was picturing something along those lines, but had forgotten that we were talking about the children's ward. PICU (Paediatric Intensive Care Unit) contains the HDU (High Dependency Unit) as well, which is techincally where Logan was. But he had his own nurse (often three actually) and his own private room, so it felt more like ICU. The difference, I suppose, is that ICU patients are usually on breathing machines or unconscious.<br />
<br />
Handover from our nurse to theirs was interesting to behold. They obviously have their way of doing things and Logan's poor nurse got it in the neck from an old girl who has little respect for pretty young oncology nurses (even intelligent ones). Logan had initially not been to fussed about going down, but that was to change. Life in PICU is far different to that on the ward. We may have had a 'private' nurse in our room, but the fun ended there. Lights on around the clock made it impossible for Logan to sleep (without willingly going back unconscious!). The nurses talked loud and long with each other and the doctor on the ward, in the room. They were unused to have patients that were awake and Logan was exhausted and becoming grumpy. To top it all off, his blood sugar level would not stabilise and they had to keep giving bags of sugar. The grumpy nurse (previously mentioned) suggested at one point that their blood gas machine reading were correct and that mine, from our little machine, were incorrect, when it came to reading his glucose level. By now I was skilled in recognising Logan with a low blood sugar and I challenged her to a test off with our manual machines. Turns out, hers reads one point high, and mine, one point low... their fancy blood gas machine was totally wrong and needed recalibrating. They nearly lost him to another hypo! In amongst all this, Logan was continuing to have all his meds, and two hourly ventolin via an oxygen mask over a five minute period... exhausting.<br />
<br />
Eventually he drifted off to sleep despite their ministries and with that, Evan went back to the ward to get some shut eye. I managed to remain awake until 4am when my body could no longer keep its eyes open. I had been told earlier that I was allowed to sit with Logan, but if I got tired I was to leave the ward as sleeping parents were not allowed there. Just as I was arranging to swap with Evan, another nice nurse said not to worry and gave me a blanket. I slept through till 7.30am on a chair...<br />
<br />
At 7.45, two of our ward nurses came down to see Logan. It was lovely to see them. They are really part of our family now. Strange to say that when we found it so hard to fit in here in the beginning. I suppose Auckland isn't so bad if you don't have to go outside and hang out with Aucklanders! LOL!<br />
<br />
Sometime after this the doc came and said that they had stabilised him and that at some point that day we could return to the ward. She said, that in a nutshell, Logan had been in kidney failure, but had responded exceptionally well to the treatment, which was the reason we could go back upstairs.<br />
<br />
At 9am, we were told we were allowed back on the ward. YIPPEE! But it took till 12noon to get there... and on arrival, we were greeted by staff and Aunty Sue... Charlotte arrive shortly after. Logan was too tired to socialise, but we talked quietly together.<br />
<br />
One of his doctors arrived in the early afternoon and gave us the following information:<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul><li>Logan has lots of fluid on board - he has gained 4kg in 24 hrs</li>
<li>He has lost 50% vision in his right eye. She thinks he may have a bleed there and is going to contact the eye people. She feels this will correct itself</li>
<li>They are not able to use meds to make him pee, due to his potassium level, so they are not replacing the fluids that he expels (urine, poo and vomit)</li>
<li>They are restarting his TPN (total parental nutrition) tonight. It will have a higher glucose concentrate and less quantity</li>
<li>At this stage they are still giving platelets twice daily</li>
<li>He is having a red cell transfusion today also</li>
<li>Chest - fluid between the chest wall and the gut - if it gets harder for him to breathe, or his oxygen stats go down, then they will consult with a surgeon about the possibility of draining it</li>
<li>Albium level in the blood is good, will give more though and hopefully it will draw the fluid away from the gut and the lungs</li>
<li>Kidney and renal function now much better and heading toward getting back on track... not perfect though by a long shot</li>
<li>Potassium level now stable, but will be easily messed up again if we give the wee meds</li>
<li>No insulin at the moment, but when they start the TPN, may need to begin again</li>
<li>Yesterday Logan crashed because they did not give enough sugar to counteract the insulin... which was needed to counteract the potassium.... (took lots to get that admission)</li>
<li>Bilirubin stable, if high, and will continue with defibritide medication</li>
<li>GVHD - not change - still severe diarrhea - continue meds on at present</li>
<li>Have to seriously watch for dehydration as not replacing fluids now</li>
<li>They are going to take out the IV that was put in up here yesterday, but blown out down there</li>
<li>The meds that Logan is on have damaged his kidneys... this is going to take a long time to repair</li>
<li>They are going to reduce the dose of cyclosporan, which is the drug they give to suppress his immune system, as it is damaging his kidneys! </li>
</ul><div>Hells bells!</div><div><br />
</div><div>Ok, am definitely exhausted now... not the young person I used to be, able to last on three hours sleep.</div><div>Lastly, just spoke to one of our nurses from last night who help bring Logan around. She was full of praise for Evan and I, for the way that we handled the crisis. I explained that he was pink and breathing and therefore we could cope. Anything more dramatic might challenge our abilities!</div><div><br />
</div><div>Thanks to all for your love and support and texts well into the night... </div><div><br />
</div><div>We have a pile of mail here, but have not opened it yet so will say thanks for that tomorrow.</div><div><br />
</div><div>TTFN</div><div>and keep smiling</div><div>Tracy, Evan and family</div>Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-24521078426317806162011-11-10T08:59:00.000+13:002011-11-10T08:59:11.196+13:00Live from PICU/HDUEvan posting today - briefly. Tracy will provide more detail later I am sure<br />
<br />
After yesterdays dramas everything has settled down. The sugar & potassium levels that were of concern have evened out at more comfortable levels. Logan is relaxed and resting.<br />
<br />
All indications are that we will be heading back into our usual room mid-morning.Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-84999794548428829562011-11-09T20:21:00.000+13:002011-11-09T20:21:34.121+13:00change of planslogan began to slip into a diabetic coma, which the nurses caught with a routine check... they called a code and to cut a long story short... after some excited medical intervention, he came around... looks like we are headed for PICU afterall.... they are making the final decision now.<br />
<br />
Will post tomorrow<br />
<br />
Tracy and EvanLogan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-34280636162352037772011-11-09T19:18:00.000+13:002011-11-09T19:18:04.638+13:00News from the doctorThe doc came to see me and said...<br />
<br />
"There will be no change... we will continue the plan through the night.." THE END<br />
<br />
So I said... will he he re-evaluated in the morning?<br />
<br />
And she said: we will continue to monitor him during the night....<br />
<br />
So much for information... I don't know why I expected more....<br />
<br />
Logan has been in bed, groaning in his sleep. The nurse tells me he will have intensive care on our ward over night with 1-1 care, and constant observations to ensure he is as stable as he can be... and he is far from stable.<br />
<br />
Will chat tomorrow... thanks for all your texts and calls of love and support...<br />
<br />
Tracy and Evan and familyLogan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-89355919320944632162011-11-09T14:40:00.000+13:002011-11-09T14:40:51.351+13:00PICU comes into the conversation...PICU... paediatric intensive care unit... they dropped it into the conversation so casually that I almost missed it... then it hit my brain like an avalanche...<br />
<br />
Somehow, I remained calm and asked questions... the words came from a lovely young lady from the renal team...<br />
<br />
Short version:<br />
Logan has renal impairment. If the kidneys don't function well, then the potassium level goes up. Unfortunately they are struggling to keep the level down as everything they keep giving him (mostly the blood products) contains potassium. Another cause for increased kidney function can be ongoing bleeding (there they go again... with the bleeding). They need to measure the urine accurately either with a bottle or a catheter... at present the choice is his...<br />
<br />
They measure kidney function lots of ways, including creatitine and urea. They are going to be repeating the bloods every two hours. If no improvement is shown within the next couple of hours, odd are we are going to PICU...<br />
<br />
Logan took this knowledge calmly. Unlike many children who go through the unit, he is conscious most of the time, and aware of his surroundings. Many of the children are drugged off their brains to keep the pain or nausea at bay. <br />
<br />
He has just had his cannula inserted after two failed attempts. Not ideal, but when I explained that if he got any sicker we were off to ICU, he succumbed quietly. The final attempt didn't even hurt.<br />
<br />
His liver has begun to hurt this afternoon, when he rolls over, and his breathing in anything but on his back, is almost impossible. They are playing 'chase' as Evan calls it... just chasing one symptom after another in an effort to keep up with his body's imbalances... He always has a doctor at the nurses station watching out for him, and a nurse within earshot... If I was ever a drama queen, I am over it... give me back my vacuum cleaner!<br />
<br />
He is resting now, giving me a chance to write this. I pray there will be more time to write to you again this evening.... from room 17.Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-3879878471507097942011-11-09T12:06:00.000+13:002011-11-09T12:06:02.779+13:00Email SubscriptionsJust a quick note... If you would like to know when I post to the blog, you can subscribe to the email option... all you get is a quick email to say I have posted, allowing you to the go to the blog if you want to. It saves checking your email and the blog... i.e. no blog post, means no email, so you don't need to check... works well for the people who have their work email on all the time.Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-3085397026393252102011-11-09T11:40:00.000+13:002011-11-09T11:40:41.231+13:00Transplant Day +30... a solid month!After a slightly adventurous night, in which Logan had chest pain and required a portable chest x-ray, things settled quite well. Turned out that he has a significant amount of fluid in his right lung, and a small amount in his left.<div>The run down today..</div><div>Weight: 75.3kg</div><div>Girth: 94.5cm - taken twice daily again now (cant remember yesterday's measurement)</div><div>Hb: 91 (YAY)</div><div>White cells: 8.4 (YAY)</div><div>Platelets: <10 (bloody hell!) - two more units required - must be a bleed somewhere that they are running to...</div><div>Neutraphils: 6.8 (YAY)</div><div>Bilirubin: 116 (damn, damn, damn, damn)</div><div><br />
</div><div>This morning's blood test also revealed that his potassium was way high, as was his kidney function. Apparently, you get rid of potassium through peeing, something which he hasn't been doing much of lately, as he is dehydrated (apparently), even though his belly is distended with fluid!</div><div><br />
</div><div>The fluid has collected in the peritenium space which surrounds the gut/bowel; the cavity holding the gut/bowel, but is not in the surrounding tissue. This fluid was possibly drawn from the tissue in this feet and other areas by the albumin, but not distributed to the blood stream as it needed to be. This is causing Logan pain on movement and extreme pain on pressure, which the doc's have to do to assess him.</div><div><br />
</div><div>His albumin levels are low again today, so they will give him another dose. I am not sure of the strength. Probably 4% as it will most likely run all day.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Getting back to the potassium, this can be quite a problem, so this morning they gave him his usual insulin, plus a little extra, and five minutes worth of ventolin via a nebuliser (which he will have every two hours) to help combat the effects. They also did a tracing to ensure that the potassium hasn't damaged his heart - which it hasn't luckily!</div><div><br />
</div><div>They also confirmed what I could see with my own eyes... he is much more yellow that yesterday. His eyes glow a sickly yellow and are sunken. The latter is due to dehydration, but the rest is clearly jaundice. His VOD has become worse again, so they are increasing his steroids to the top dose possible.</div><div><br />
</div><div>His TPN has been stopped as it contains potassium and they are replacing it with other fluids....</div><div><br />
</div><div>NEWSFLASH!!! this just in...</div><div><br />
</div><div>Docs need to put a cannula in... initially Logan said no. They really want to take out his hickman and put a three way line in, but he is too sick to have surgery. It took us a long time to convince Logan that he really needs it. He is not being told just how sick he really is, and I told the nurse that it doesn't help Logan to help himself if he doesn't understand the seriousness of the situation. He is going to need to have insulin through IV at a steady rate to help bring down the potassium. Apparently it is worse than we were led to believe and in danger of doing harm to his heart... not the impression they gave us during this morning's talk. Logan ended up yelling four letter words at the doc (and yes I mean THE four letter word), who decided to leave the room and let me calm him down... he is sick of being left in the dark and being fed bullshit... (mushroom syndrome).</div><div><br />
</div><div>At present they have put up a bolus of fluid (running at the rate of gravity) containing sucrose and bicarbinate to decrease the ph balance and help improve the potassium. Then they will be putting up the albumin. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Anyhoo... it seems that things are much more complicated than before, and Logan is a wee bit sicker than we thought, and that things are now moving much faster than they were! Evan is on his way back up and we will cross one bridge at a time...</div><div><br />
</div><div>If I have repeated myself anywhere, my apologies... too many things to remember for my small brain.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Our background noises today are;</div><div>The kid in room 16 heaving like an old man (he is only 10)</div><div>The kid in room 18 screaming at odd intervals... he has asperges and is not coping with the vomiting and pain feelings, let alone the inconsistent routines... </div><div>The docs and nurses are constantly discussing the kids and we can easily hear them talking about Logan and his issues...</div><div>The helicopters come and go with their precious cargo...</div><div>The machines click, buzz and whirr</div><div><br />
</div><div>please pray for our son... in whatever form this may take... love, wishes, positive thought, healing thoughts, humorous thoughts (this suits him), or just glancing thoughts... </div><div><br />
</div><div>they are all appreciated</div><div><br />
</div><div><u>Puns for today:</u></div><div><u><br />
</u></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.</i></span></div><div><i><br />
</i></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A vulture boards an airplane carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger!"</i></span></div><div><br />
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</div>Logan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-89485643246864471702011-11-08T21:06:00.000+13:002011-11-08T21:06:15.364+13:00JINX SCHMINXNo sooner had I posted the earlier post, than Logan developed chest pain, which requires an x-ray. We wait for the portable machine as I type! They boy was in some distress, with oxygen levels dropping to the low 90's initially, but then gradually increasing as the pain eased. When will I learn not to jinx us?<br />
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Will let you know how the x-ray turns out. The same doc who came to see us this evening, told us that the scan today showed fluid around the bowel (abdomen), but not in the tissue. So this could even be the cause of Logan's chest pain, which is in the centre. It is also possibly around the lining of the lungs. Hopefully the x-ray will make this more clear (excuse the pun).<br />
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OK... that's all for tonight<br />
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TTFNLogan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8535087747358294711.post-86932191655053353672011-11-08T19:45:00.000+13:002011-11-08T19:45:56.737+13:00Transplant Day +29Finally... a quiet day!<br />
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THIS IS NOT A JINX!!!!<br />
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<u>Logan's bloods today:</u><br />
white cells: 4.85 (yay)<br />
neutraphils: 4.19 (yay)<br />
platelets: <10 (double transfusion required)<br />
Hb: 68 (transfusion required)<br />
bilirubin: 82 (damn it all!)<br />
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My boy has turned somewhat yellow again... face, eyes, chest etc, except where he is red! They are guessing that his VOD has returned, as it can sometimes do when they try to wean people off of the medicine they use to treat it. Solution: they are putting the dose up again. <br />
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Last night Logan's stomach became distended again. It is not as bad as it was, but was enough of a concern to get the doc in at 1am. They have had him on constant watch today, with the doc checking on Logan every 3 - 4 hours. Such fun! They are uncertain of the reason for the porkiness, however, they are guessing that it could be liver related, or fluid retention into the gut, or fluid retention into the tissue, or a bleed.... A test of his clotting factor showed that it is low, so they have given him vitamin K today to try to fix this. Also, his Hb being low has confused them somewhat. This is bucking the trend he has set so far, so there is the possibility of a bleed somewhere.<br />
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The albumin was discontinued today, as he has put on a couple of kilos overnight. Talk about walking a tightrope! Logan also discontinued his tramadol today, in a effort to cut down on the drugs he is taking. His only pain relief now is regular panadol (IV) and buscapan (IV).<br />
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A scan was taken of Logan's liver today which showed quite a bit of fluid around the base of the lungs and some of the organs. Not sure if that mean in the organs or floating around them... waiting for the doc to come and explain, but apparently they didn't feel the need this evening!<br />
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Breathing has become an issue for Logan. He is not on oxygen any longer, but if he gets out of bed to be weighed or to stretch, he falls back to bed exhausted. A physiotherapist came to see him today and discussed with him, the damage that was being done to his body by the drugs he is taking! His muscles are breaking down, and his lungs are not inflating properly any more. She is going to come daily to do exercises with him... though he should not mind this as she is particularly pretty.<br />
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Although I have not mentioned it, Logan's diarrhea has not abated... it continues at an exhausting rate. We received the results from the biopsy this afternoon which said that there was definite degradation of the bowel. Unfortunately it has come away so badly that the crypts that are needed to diagnose GVHD are no longer there. Consequently, and due to the lack of all other viral/bacterial tests coming back positive, they have called it positive for GVHD. They have decided to reduce the steroid and give a new drug which is an immuno-suppressant. Logan's body is proving to be a kete of complications!<br />
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It is a relief that his graft is taking, cause everything else is going pear shaped! But today, we tried to smile. Logan had quite a few sleeps, and at one point amused his nurse Sabrina and I, by spending over an hour dreaming and mumbling to himself... it was a joy to watch something so normal.<br />
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Emma came to visit this afternoon, and Logan slept through most of it. Evan spent the best part of the day working at Ronald McD, and returned at 6pm to cook me dinner. Our kind nurse, as she had Logan 1-1, watched him so that we could eat our dinner together. We get this 15 minutes most days, just to enjoy each others company and relax. We are very grateful for it.<br />
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Well that's all I've got in my novel today...<br />
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TTFNLogan, Evan, Tracy, Brad and Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01734209290592384490noreply@blogger.com0